


Phantom Constellations

by scareghoul



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Friendship, Hospitals, M/M, Realtionship, alternative universe, college / high school age, set in the 2000's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 18:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29888538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scareghoul/pseuds/scareghoul
Summary: “In a hospital?”“Do you spend your time anywhere else?” Gerard didn’t answer but the air through the line was a ‘no’. “So, yeah. In a hospital.”“But I can’t touch other patients, Mikes.”“Who mentioned touching? Ew, Gee, you’re gross.”“Oh, shut up!” Mikey laughed. “It’s not like that. I just- How can you date someone and not hold their hand?”“I don’t know , Gee. I don’t date.”
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	Phantom Constellations

**Author's Note:**

> HEY !!! brand new fic coming out of the oven. 
> 
> here are some things you need to know before reading:  
> \- this is an alternative universe, so it takes place around 2002  
> \- chapters are going to be long, more than 2000 words  
> \- both Gerard and Ray are 19, Mikey's 17, and Frank's 16  
> \- if there're new ships (that's not frerard) i'll tag it, but by now, that's all you have. same thing with new characters.  
> \- NO SMUT ! you'll understand why, but yeah. no smut sorry to break with you guys.  
> \- i will be posting weekly on saturdays nights around 08:00 pm
> 
> a big thank you to Ben (emophobiaisgay on Twitter) for being an amazing beta and for providing me a lot of laughs while writing this. 
> 
> thank you for reading, hope you enjoy it. if you have any questions or just want to say hi, my twitter's @scareghoul.
> 
> now, let's go :)

Gerard doesn’t like changes, especially big ones.

Gerard also hates hospitals, needles, and doctors. Kind of ironic, if you consider he practically lives inside a hospital. Gerard hates hospitals and changes. So, you can guess he hates changing hospitals. 

Gerard’s talking with his mom, she’s sitting at the edge of his bed, his green eyes running through the walls. He’s not listening to her, only a muffled noise going inside his head. 

He’s changing hospitals, again. It’s the third time this year, and he just settled and made his room look less like a “hospital”. It looked like his old room; well, what he could remember of his old room.

Mikey helped him hang the drawing and posters on the wall.   
Mikey.

Mikey would know how to make the environment growing inside his room right now a little bit lighter. 

Gerard hates hospitals and changes. He also hates to deal with big things when Mikey’s not around. He hates when Mikey’s not around.  
The problem is, he’s rarely around. 

Mikey’s in high school, he’s busy trying his best to be a normal person, to be okay without Gerard, to have a fucking life. He tries his best to not make Gerard feel bad for not being able to go outside. 

Well, he goes outside. 

“ _Only when I’m able to stay a few days at home, Mikes. But I can’t go to the park, or to my friend’s house. I can’t be a teenager._ ”

“ _That’s so angry teenager behavior._ ”

“ _Well, I’m a teenager. Sort of._ ” Mikey laughed. That was the last time they saw each other. It was Friday, last week. It’s been a week since he came. 

“ _He’s busy with his science project, Gee. Don’t be mad at him_.” He’s not mad, he just misses his brother. Mikey can be mad at Gerard for being a feet in his ass, but Gerard can’t ever be mad at Mikey. Not when he sneaks out after class to go stay the evening with him, or missed class to play some video games. He never complained when Gerard called him in the middle of the night during the week to talk because he can’t fucking sleep with his IV itching. 

Gerard also hates that he’s not a good brother. Not in his point of view. He wishes he could be a better person for his brother, he should be the one to take care of Mikey, and not the other way around.   
He hates that too. 

His mom’s voice is starting to be louder. She's calling him.

“Gee,” she said, calm, but you could see she was a little impatient. Gerard always did that. He’d zoom out and lose himself inside his own thoughts, his own world. “Have you listened?” Of course he didn’t, and she knew but asked anyway. He nodded in discordance. She sighed. “You need to pack your stuff, clean the walls… You know, the usual. We’re taking you in two days.” She’s not looking at him, she barely does it anymore. It’s not her fault, Gerard looks like a ghost. 

“Will Mikey come here to help me?” It was more an appeal than a question. 

“Do you want him to come?” She already knew the answer. But asked anyway. She always tries to make sure he’s lucid, even though he always is.

“Yes, please.” and turned to face the window. She already understood. That’s an old move; when Gerard doesn’t want to talk, he just turns to face the window and zooms out inside his colorful world. A world without hospitals, a world where he was running with Mikey at the park. She was gone, and he was alone again.  
Alone.   
He’s used to being by himself at this point. He never made “hospital’s friends”, because he never had time. He’s always moving. 

Mikey came the next day to help clean up his room. He brought his new cassette tape with not-so-new songs for them to listen to while cleaning.

“I made it last night,” he said while putting the tape inside his old player. “Only the greatest hits.” Mikey smiled, a big one. He only smiled like that with Gerard, well, at least that’s what Gerard thinks. He never saw Mikey doing it without his presence. Mikey pressed play, and the cleaning started altogether with the good old rock and roll. The music was not loud, they’re in a hospital for God’s sake, but they kept singing along, and the nurse came at least five times to ask them to shut up. At the sixth time, she threatened to kick Mikey out of the hospital. 

“She’s _mean_ ,” he whispered and Gerard laughed a little. 

It was a good time, it made Gerard forget he’s moving to an unknown environment, with different people. 

“Mom said you’re going to spend more time in the new hospital this time,” Mikey mentioned while packing Gerard’s posters for the new room. Gerard looked at him, his face weirdly tense. “She told me that they're gonna try a new experimental medicine. I looked up, and they said that, if you respond well in the first month, you can keep the treatment at home! Home, Gee! You can stay with me until they find you brand new lungs.” Mikey smiled again, but it’s different this time, his eyes are not shining. 

Oh. Yeah, lungs… The thing with Gerard is that he has shitty lungs. He has really, _really_ fucked up lungs. 

He has what we call cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that causes mutations in the cystic fibrosis transmembrane and protein dysfunction. So, when the protein’s not working - which in Gerard’s case, it’s not - the component of salt, aka chloride, can’t move the cell to the surface. The chloride attracts water to the surface, and the mucus of a few organs becomes more thick and sticky.  
“ _Like_ _the swamp monster_ ,” Mikey used to say when he was little. 

This motherfucking mucus clogs the airway and keeps bacterias, germs, and other disgusting things that are certainly _not_ good to be inside your poor lungs.  
So, because of CF, Gerard can’t have contact with germs. But you know what else has germs? 

That’s right, _every fucking thing_.   
Everywhere there are germs and bacterias, _especially_ people. 

Inside the hospital, he can’t touch other patients, or else he’ll die. He can touch his brother, though, but Mikey’s afraid of making him worse, so hugs are only on birthdays. They both miss the touch.  
His mom’s not very affectionate, so she only gives him small and brief taps in his back. 

They were all afraid that Mikey could have it, but happily, it’s only Gerard. 

They finally finished, Gerard too tired to keep a simple task that’s taking his posters and drawings off the wall for more than fifteen minutes without collapsing into bed, coughing, and chest burning. So Mikey did most of it by himself. He's used to it. 

It’s night, and Gerard’s drawing again. He draws when he's nervous, or when he’s bored, so it’s literally every time. Gerard doesn’t think too much when he’s drawing, he just lets the emotion go through his body until the paper’s filled. That’s why all his drawings seem so… pure. Mikey likes one in particular. It’s the image of Mother Mary, but she’s more horror-styled. Or, you could say, Gerard-styled. 

Gerard can be the kind of person people would think is planning a ritual and taking a virgin body with him as an offer. The body would be himself, Mikey joked once.   
It’s not like he tries to pull this weird kid role, but he just _is_. He used to go to school, he has friends. Well, friend. Singular. The other kids were just mean. 

Ray, on the other side, always thought Gerard was the best. They met since they were little kids, they lived near each other; and when Gerard was diagnosed, he used to go to the hospital to teach him things from school, so he could take his finals without any problems. Ray Toro’s an angel.   
They don’t talk too much like before, senior year is tough, Gerard’s been studying for his SATs and working his ass for college application. He’s trying to get into art school, so he’s also working on his lame portfolio. 

“It’s not lame, Gee. Just… depressing.” Mikey said while they’re having dinner. Gerard at the hospital and Mikey at home. They call each other during dinner, so they can chat every day.

“I know! I just… I don’t always get the chance to go out, see people. Maybe people who're happy and not crying because their son died.”

“Damn, that’s fucking _sad_ , cut it off! Not during dinner. And, well, that’s not true. When you come home, you can go to places.”

“Mikey, New Jersey is a fucking depressing place. It’s not my fault.”

“It makes sense but, Gee, you can… I dunno, make things up.”

“I need a _real_ person portrait. And no, I’m not gonna draw you. I already have too many drawings of you in my portfolio, they’ll think I’m obsessed with you.”

“Yeah, that’s because they don’t know I’m the only person you talk to.” His voice was muffled, probably because he had food inside his mouth. 

“That’s not true!” Gerard protested. He knew, deep inside, it’s true. 

"Who else do you talk to, then?”

“...Ray.”

“No, you don’t. The last time you texted him, was last month. You don't even try to make contact.”

“I just don’t know how to maintain a conversation! How am I supposed to talk to him if all it’s going to be is ‘ _hey, man? How are you? oh, yeah I'm pretty good, you know, jumping from hospital to hospital, trying to find new lungs while trying not to die. Pretty cool. And you?_ ”

“You’re so dramatic.” Gerard couldn’t see, but he definitely felt Mikey rolling his eyes, it was explicit in his voice. “Just- I don’t know, I can’t be your only friend. Don’t you talk with anyone there?”

“No, I’m always the new kid. It’s hard to start a convo when they all know each other.” Mikey sighed at the other side of the line.

“Okay. I have to go now. See you tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’ll help you unpack your stuff. Bye, Gee. Love you.”

“Bye, Mikey. Love you too.” and Gerard hung up. It's always him. Mikey thinks that, if he hangs up and Gerard thinks he has something to say, he won't be able to tell, and if he dies… Well, he’ll think about it until his last breath. 

Gerard doesn't like that Mikey has these kinds of thoughts, he thinks it’s mainly his fault. If he was normal, or if he was a little more positive, maybe his brother wouldn’t be so scared of not living long enough, or now being able to do things, like Gerard.  
He tries his best to hide, but the few times Mikey spent the night at the hospital with Gerard, he’d wake up during the night, Mikey crying at the side of his bed, praying - and he’s not even religious - that his brother is not taken away from him, that they still need to live together, travel… Do things brothers do.

Mikey had to learn at a young age how to take care of Gerard, and that made him feel bad. It’s not his fault, but he feels like he’s guilty.   
He fell asleep quickly, tired of the cleaning. He can’t do much and his lungs will give up on him. 

He feels like he’s constantly inside an ocean, the waves pulling him down and far away from Mikey. Mikey’s screaming, trying to catch him, he’s swimming, Gerard can see his eyes, big and red, trying to find a way to bring his brother to the surface.   
Gerard can’t breathe, his lungs are filled with water, there’s water everywhere. He’s going to die, he’s going to die in front of Mikey. Slowly, breathless, going to the dark part of his ocean, his mind. He’s dying, Mikey is just a blur by this point, his ears hurt from the pressure. 

“What if I close my eyes? They seem heavy, I don’t want to keep my eyes open.” He closed his eyes. He stopped breathing. 

He woke up in a cold sweat, snapping out of his bed. His heart is racing, his breathing is sharp and his head hurts from the lack of air.  
Air. 

The monitor by his side is beeping frenetically, his heart is jumping on his chest like a highschool party. He reaches the bed again, trying to rest, make his heart calm down. 

It’s not long until the nurse rushes into his room, checking his pupils and listening to his heart and lungs. He just sat there. There’s nothing to do.  
It’s the same nurse from yesterday, the one who asked Mikey and him to stop singing. She looks alarmed. 

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Gerard assured, his voice tired and breathless. She looks concerned and her eyes are running through the monitor, Gerard’s heartbeats slowly going back to normal. “I’m okay, it was just a nightmare.” She looked back at him, blue orbs focused on the monitor, starting to go back to its normal beeping. 

“Just a nightmare...” she acknowledged, more for herself. The nurse checked Gerard again, and again until he was charged to go. 

His mom came to grab his stuff and was going up and down to the car. Mikey wasn’t there. And not having the comfort of Mikey being there to help him not frank the fuck out, he started to overthink.   
Gerard had this behavior, he couldn't help it. He started to bite his nails frenetically, an old behavior that he disinvolved through the years that only happened when he was nervous and Mikey was not around. 

His mom noticed, she knew why his son was acting like that. “Mikey’s at school but he’ll meet us at the hospital, don’t worry.” She added, trying to make Gerard calmer. Which worked, and he stopped biting his nails. 

The trip to the new hospital was silent, Gerard looking outside the window and the only sound was the traffic outside the car. It’s not far from his home, Gerard acknowledged, but Mikey would have to walk ten more minutes if he was coming directly from the school.   
He’s probably going to come less now. That thought made Gerard’s stomach drop.

They got into the hospital, it’s way bigger than the previous one, with a lot of windows and people. He didn’t pay attention to whatever his mom was talking about with the receptionist, and the next thing he remembers, they’re on their way to his new room.   
The elevator doors opened and he followed one of the nurses, who was waiting for them in the hall. He can see there are only a few kids on the floor, maybe it’s a new hospital, Gerard wondered. 

“This is the floor you’re going to live on for the next few weeks, Gerard.” The nurse announced while they’re making, what looked like, a tour. “It’s only for patients with CF, and at this side,” she showed with her hands, making round movements to englobe the corridor they’re walking right now, “Is for those who are on experimental medicines.”   
Oh. He forgot about that. He’s on experimental medicines, he’s a guinea pig. Sort off. 

The nurse, whose name’s Naomi, showed them around. The cafeteria, the weird aquarium with exotic fishes, a common room with few - and distanced - chairs, so if the patients ever had any kind of interaction, it would be safe. Gerard didn’t care about any of these, he only wanted to know where his room was and, more importantly, Mikey. 

At the end of the tour, his mom went to talk with his doctor, she was coming later to talk to him too, but right now Gerard’s too busy furiously texting Mikey and asking where he is. He was nervous, and the not presence of his brother before the doctor talking to him was driving him fucking nuts.   
Finally, as God was hearing his lame prayer, Mikey showed up at his door. His cheeks were red, probably from the cold, and he was breathless, Mikey definitely ran his ass off school, late from talking with his project partner, and forgot about time. That explains the mess he is right now, Gerard noted. 

“Sorry, I’m late.” He said, voice weak and low while collapsing into one of the chairs by Gerard’s side. 

“I thought you’d not come,” Gerard whispered. He was, indeed, fucking terrified he’d have to, not only talk with his doctor on his own but also having a new fucking IV without Mikey holding his hand. Mikey's his emotional support. “But I’m glad you did. How was school?”

“You know, same as usual. Classes, boring people… Boring, boring, _boring_.” 

“How’s the project going?” Gerard said while sitting on his bed. It’s way more comfortable than the previous one and his room is bigger too. He started to open one of his bags to put his posters on the wall. 

“It’s fine, I’m working with a new kid. He’s fine but some jocks are marking him already.” Mikey sighed.

“Well, that sucks,” Gerard breathed. “What's his name?”

“Patrick. He’s tiny and has blond hair. Really cool guy, you’d like him. He’s all nerdy like you.”

“We _are_ nerdy, Mikes.” Gerard pointed out.

“Yeah, but you’re more.” Gerard rolled his eyes and Mikey laughed.

“Whatever. So, are we gonna start this or what? You need to be home early, mom said she’s taking you with her.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

Mikey and Gerard spent the past ten minutes planning a new layout for the room. “ _Because the last one was kinda lame, not gonna lie, Gee._ ” And after deciding where each little thing was going to be, they spent half an hour hanging them on the walls. It looked good, almost like a real room.

The doctor eventually came and explained to Gerard what would be happening for the next few days. His mom and Mikey couldn’t come because of the tests and his immune system would drop for a while, so his safety needed to come first. She said a lot of things Gerard can’t remember, but Mikey paid attention to every single word she said. He would probably spend the night doing research.   
She was really nice, the doctor. Her name’s Natasha, and her team was really big. Naomi was going to be his personal nurse, so she was going to be there most of the time around. He can’t complain, Naomi looked really nice and he noticed she had gauges. Maybe they can catch up on some conversation later when she comes to check him out before going home.   
After Dr. Nat - as she prefers to be called - went to check the rest of her patients, Gerard and Mikey kept their mission on making the room look like his basement. 

Mikey was showing the new sheets he brought so Gerard could occupy himself drawing, and his mom showed up before leaving with a new sketchbook. 

“Mikey said you needed a new one.” She said with a weak smile. She looked older than her age, tired. Working two jobs so she could pay for her son's medical care is not easy, and the lack of contact as a consequence didn’t affect their relationship. It was always like that, cold.   
It’s not that they don’t like each other, but they never felt the need to build a deep relationship, like his and Mikey’s. 

Gerard smiled and gave her a hug. She would be out for a few days, Mikey too. He felt sad but it’s fine, he’s used to being alone.   
As they left, Naomi came to see if he was okay, but Gerard was so tired he slept before she left his room. 

And that was how Gerard spent the next two days. 

Wake up, eat, check-ups, lab tests, eat, walk inside his room, take a nap until dinner, call Mikey so they could eat, more tests, Naomi coming to see him and sleep again.   
He was tired, though, of this lame-ass routine. He promised Mikey he’d explore the hospital, so on the next day, he’d wake up and after the tests go for a walk. 

“Maybe you could finally have a girlfriend,” Mikey said during dinner a day before Gerard’s exploring mission. 

“A girlfriend?” Gerard questioned him, his mouth filled with mashed potatoes.

“Or a boyfriend, I don’t know. Someone to date.”

“In a hospital?”

“Do you spend your time anywhere else?” Gerard didn’t answer but the air through the line was a ‘no’. “So, yeah. In a hospital.”

“But I can’t touch other patients, Mikes.”

“Who mentioned touching? Ew, Gee, you’re _gross_.”

“Oh, shut up!” Mikey laughed. “It’s not like that. I just- How can you date someone and not hold their hand?”

“I don’t know, Gee. I don’t date.”

“Well, it’s only because you don’t want to.” Mikey made a ‘huh?’ sound at the other side and Gerard rolled his eyes again. “I see the messages you get when you come to see me. People are crazy over you.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Gerard heard his mother calling Mikey through the phone. “Have to go now, mom just got back from the market. Have a good night, Gee. I love you. AH! And good luck tomorrow, tell me everything you find out.”

“I love you too, Mikey. Bye.” And he hung up, finished his dinner, brushed his teeth, and went to sleep again.


End file.
